Closure

Its one day shy of Marcus being one month old and its also the day I finally was able to bring myself to look at my c-section scar. I guess I had this if I ignore it maybe it will go away attitude. Up until now washing it in the shower was enough to bring me to tears, it was a constant reminder of what went down to get our precious baby here. My husband has been my rock for the last 5.5 years and even more so this past month. I know he worried about me because emotionally I was having a really difficult time accepting that I didn’t have the birth experience I wanted for Marcus and I. Chris has done so much for us these last few weeks including keeping an eye on my incision for me. I know thousands of woman have c-sections daily with no issues but I’m not one of them. My struggles with the cesarean are all emotional/mental, the physical aspect of it was a piece of cake! I feel like I’ve been robbed, robbed of the natural vaginal delivery. I almost feel like I didn’t even give birth, like I look at Marcus sometimes and wonder why he is out here with us and not still in my uterus. I feel like I missed out on so much with him being cut out of me. I’m honestly doing 100% better, I’ve gotten over the majority of these feelings I just had a hard time opening up and letting people know how I was feeling. Posting our birth story yesterday and finally looking at my scar for the first time today has been closure for me, hopefully now I can move on and start looking at all of this in a positive light.

Love,

Chris and Katie